Relax

For some reason my blogger site decided to die on me, but it's alright because we can always rely on Mr. Gates.

So here I am at 21 years of age, stuck in a studio apartment with a small lamp on, the room's a mess, dvds stacked above me, loud high octane music at 50% volume, books all over the place, a leaky printer in the corner, fridge, microwave, air pot, water tank that filters tap water into drinking water (apparently, still tastes like shet to me), small heating fan, bread toaster, plates, a multi purpose bowl, cutlery, sound systems, boxes...

The room is downright too small.

I'm not going to justify how the heck I managed to get myself into this predicament, let's just say I made a few errors in judgement when I made my leap to Sydney.

In my desire to find the perfect balance in life, I have stressed myself out and become a serious overachiever who treats life as a big battle ala the video games that I grew up with.

So I think it is time to make some resolutions. Ouch just thinking of what I could do made my head spin. Ok, start small...

First off I need to find a way to vent my energy. I think I need to get back into a routine of going to the gym and shooting the basketball. I want to reach a point where my left leg won't give out on me. And obviously the weight and sitting down all the time is not doing my legs any good.

Then there's the contract from SUV. I positively hate living in a studio apartment, it's just so small and there's no where to go. To me I have 2 real options, either I move to a one bedroom apartment with the works or I move to a dorm. Just sent a mail to Sally Ward, so I won't think about that till I get a reply.

Then there's the problem of having a lot of textbooks that I may never use again. I think I'm going to stop following the Singapore dream and studying accounting and finance because I don't know any better. I need to go find out what I want from a career because I cannot imagine a life of accounting and banking.

So I'm going to have to sell off all these textbooks some how.

And gosh all those books, my PS 2, my xbox, the controllers, the games.

I practically have everything I need to not go out at all. In a way I suspect I sabotege myself by having all these things which allow me to continue existing with some form of sanity without having any real social interaction.

Not adapting to the weather is another thing. I do not have real winter clothes. Meaning I rather stay in a toasty room then go outside.

And the majority of my clothes are old and decrapit.

Things need to change.

Fight or Flight

Today I had a revelation, after going through neighbourhood life, school and the destroyer of worlds the army, my flight or fight response was so sharply tuned that it was no longer possible for me to relax.

Symptoms of the flight or fight response, tense muscles, focus on the things which seem wrong in the environment, state of readiness. Happens whether real or perceived.

Probably why I longed to have a military life where the flight or fight response is a comfortable place to be.

Also why I always seem to be able to pull the negative aspects of every situation out and start to think of how to solve or avoid them.

True Freedom

Never been in debt to others.

Live within your means.

Respect your elders. Those who deserve the respect.

Never judge a person on the first meeting.

Prepare for every contingency.

Never sign a contract without knowing every condition and guarantee.

Life is for the birds.

Dear Ben,

Can you imagine if you were a bird in a world of humans? If you could live your life where humans could not do you harm?

It has occurred to me that the only way to live a life of bliss is to have low expectations of life or simply have a lot of money.

Money opens the doors to freedom in life. Don't listen to all the bullshit that the best things in life are free.

The best things in life are a safe and quiet home, your health and financial freedom.

You want safety, you need to pay for security. You want quiet, you need to live in a good neighbourhood. You cannot control the health problems you face, thus you need money for good health care. You want to not worry about your next meal, you need to be able to pay for your next meal.

Money is important.

It's not the same as having rich parents. Your rich parents might not give you what you need. What you want.

Reliance on other people for money is a horrible thing.

The only true way to freedom is not having to rely on others for your happiness.

Monday. The Third of April.

Bike was stolen.

Finally completed my dental surgery. Will now ensure that whatever oral hygiene needs to be done on a daily basis will be done.

Went to the doctor to check what was wrong with my stomach. A gall bladder issue, waiting on tests.

Went home unhappy and frustrated with my day. Slept for a few hours.

Watched V with Lesley.

Remembered a few things about myself.

Time to sleep.

Work notes to self

Notes to self

1. CLAW 2201
a. Computer note taking is efficient
b. Must remember to print off self notes at the end of week

2. Econs 1001
a. Note taking on print outs efficient
b. Recording on computer
c. Write self notes on note book

3. INFS
a. Computer note taking should be done after lectures to note various systems and terminology
b. Recording not required
c. Workshop notes should be placed in file B
d. Tutorial and lecture notes should be placed in file A